Mothering

Mothers Days is so much more than the Hallmark commercial holiday. Our connections and disconnections are incredibly varied.

As we become older, each year as I celebrate the day with my mom, I take it less and less for granted. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to celebrate this day with her each year. This year, Destiny and I went and celebrated with my mom - three generations of women, each at such a different stage of life, connecting in ways yet so dissimilar in others. My mother absolutely hates to have her picture taken, so I will have to store the memory away in a safe place, without that visual reminder.

I am in a somewhat unique position in that most of my closest friends do not have and have never had children, through birth or adoption, some by choice but others not. I know that I cannot imagine what Mothers Day must be like for them.

Many of my friends no longer have their mothers here on earth to celebrate the day with. Another thing I didn't think a lot about when I was younger, although I'm sure I knew people in that situation. Some take special measures to remember and commemorate their mothers on that day.

My maternal grandmother died two weeks after I was born. I was a preemie back a generation before I had my own preemie to contend with. I cannot imagine what it was like for my mother to have her first child in the NICU and to lose her mother at the same time.

My mother kept her mother alive for my brother and I, although we never met her. Throughout our childhood we saw pictures of and heard stories about Grandma Jean. I learned a lot through that experience. I feel as if I grew up with this grandmother in my life, and truly know her. What an amazing testament to my mom and the way she handled that situation. A very positive thing.

Now that my children are older, they are at the point in life that they get to see mom as a living, breathing, very fallable human being. I really hope that they forgive my mistakes, and know my heart. I with they could truly understand even a fraction of the love I have for them.

And now I am a grandmother. J is not genetically related to me in any way, in case you didn't know. I can absolutely, with 100% assuance say that I could not love him more if he were. Being J's grandma is possibly the only compensation for getting older!

Being a grandmother lets you watch your children parent. Linda is an amazing mother to Jason. She has such great balance with him. Firm but fair. Fun. Compassionate. Creative. Easygoing in a very Bays kind of way.

I can run the world with...

How many times have you heard me say that I could run the world with 3x5 cards and my timer? I have tried so many organization systems over time, some high tech and some low tech, and the end result has always been the same - I have gone back to my 3x5 cards and timer.

Some jobs loom large as I procrastinate doing things that I really don't like to do. I tell myself that the job will take forever, that I really don't know how to do it, that I don't know where to start, that it won't turn out the way I want it to anyway. And then I think that I will have to start all over again once I finish anwway. Does that sound familar to anyone? How to get out of that kind of stinkin' thinking? Enter the timer.

Spring cleaning? I set my timer for 15 minutes, turn on the music, and just START in one room. When the timer goes off, I change rooms. It is amazing how many drawers I can clean out, how many closets I can go through, how many things I can prepare, dust, straighten, etc. in 15 minutes.

Writing papers for school? No problem. Research for 15 minutes. Write for 15 minutes.

Most jobs take way less time than we alot them. Hustle for 15 minutes and it is amazing what can be accomplished.

And then we come to my beloved 3x5 cards. Yes, I really do love them. They are sturdy. They don't bend and fold up on themselves. They are just the right size for nearly any kind of list. You can store them in a box, in a drawer, on a cork board, in a folder, in your purse or wallet, in the glove box of the car.

When my kids were young, I kept a 3x5 card in a drawer in each room, listing each task to be done to clean that room. When they told me they were done with their chore, I reminded them to make sure they had done everything on the card. End of nagging.

Favorite recipe? Inside of the kitchen cupboard or drawer on a 3x5.

Medication reactions/allergies? Inside the medicine cabinet drawer.

Grocery list? My card stands perfectly in the cart.

To do list? Perfect size, portable, and love to cross off items as I get them done.

Ideas? Projects? Books to read? A note to send? Need an oil change? There is a 3 x 5 for that.

My timers and 3x5 cards help me to be happier, more productive, more organized, and easier to live with. They make short work of the have-to's and give me more time for the want-to's. They make sure that important information is close at hand, without counting on often overworked brain cells to remember! They reduce nagging (always a good thing). They help teach good habits. They can remind me of happy times (oh yeah, I remember when we made those bunny pops, I had forgotten about those), and can be a reminder of happy times to come (birthday and vacation planning). I can't imagine my life without them.

I'd like to think that I've handed this dazzling, amazing, wonderful system down to my children. Unfortunately, their idea is to say "write this down for me". Come to think of it, Floyd Michael says the same thing. However, I think my beloved grandson J may just pick on this habit. He is happy to write his own lists, and makes sure everyone knows they are important and not to throw them away. He has had his birthday wish list going for several months now. Organized boy after my own heart!

Alexa Faith Montoya

As much fun as it was anticipating whether our new grandbaby would be a boy or a girl, we are so happy to know. We will be welcoming Alexa Faith Montoya in August.

How wonderful for George to have a daughter to adore and protect.

Linda, who has always loved dance, will have the opportunity to share that love with a daughter.

Jason will have a younger sister to teach and to love, and one he can protect from all of his friends!

Floyd Michael and George Sr will get to be grandfathers to a little girl. I'm pretty sure she ALREADY has them wrapped around her little finger.

As for the grandmothers, I'm pretty sure we will manage to enjoy this little girl, each in our own unique way.

Her Aunts and Uncles are already planning to adore and spoil her.

Welcome to the family, Alexa Faith. You are eagerly anticipated and already loved.

Birthday Theme of the Year

When we first married, our tradition was to take the entire family out to dinner to celebrate each birthday. After a few years, however, that got very expensive and kind of old. Been there, done that.

About two years ago, Floyd Michael and I found, by chance, a lovely little Italian restaurant in Diamond Bar, and celebrated our anniversary there. The decor was beautiful, the music was just perfect, the service fantastic. It was much nicer than a chain restaurant, and had a charming, upscale, romantic/feminine feel to it that we loved. We talked about how nice it would be to take our girls, especially, to this restaurant. Somehow our talk meandered from taking our children out one at a time to a nicer restaurant than our usual, to birthdays. Bingo! The idea was born. During the upcoming year, we would take out each "child" alone with their parent for their birthday celebration.

Devin and George were first, as they have January birthdays. I think George had barbeque. Devin and I went for sushi. Schedules being what they are in our crazy household, Devin didn't get his birthday dinner until some time in February, but we did go. One on one time was nice. Choosing just the right venue was crazy fun.

Linda was supposed to go to the restaurant that started it all, but it was CLOSED when she and Floyd went out. They ended up at a local barbeque restaurant. So much for the original plan!

Destiny is not a fan of fine dining, and really has a limited palate. We started out for BJs because she wanted to try a Pizooki. Apparently it was prom night or something, but it was PACKED. Same with the next two restaurants we tried. I thought that maybe we were going to starve before we found a place! She really wanted a steak, and we ended up at the same BBQ restaurant Floyd and Linda had gone to. Go figure! The girl got her steak, and we had a story to tell.

Dan wanted salad, and cheesecake. We actually "cheated" on his birthday, and went with his grandmother. I'm pretty sure he liked the extra attention, and I know my mom loved being included.

Eric was last in line, having a November birthday. I had not seen him for awhile, and was talking to him about getting together for lunch or something. He wanted me to come along when he had his birthday lunch with Floyd. I explained to him that I couldn't go because of our birthday theme of the year. The tone of his voice let me know he thought we were kind of crazy at that point! I'm not sure where he and Floyd went, but am so glad they got to have some time alone together.

We enjoyed our theme year so well, we decided to pick another theme for this year. After much discussion, we decided to do dessert parties. For each birthday, we would choose a different dessert and get as many of the family together for the celebration as possible.

George and Devin were first. We had banana splits for their birthdays. Amazingly, and unhappily, Vons called Devin into work on his birthday. He actually missed most of his own party. I was NOT NOT NOT happy about that. The banana splits were a hit. Jason particularly loved the maraschino cherries (I finally sent the jar home with them so they could dole them out to him).

Amanda (Eric's girlfriend) came next. We decided to go to Cold Stone for hers. Unfortunately, it turned out that they had no inside seating, and it was cold outside (okay, California cold, but still cold). Must remember not to do ice cream for the winter birthdays.

Linda comes next, and she was the only one we knew from the beginning. Friday night we will be having pie to celebrate Linda's birthday. I really wanted to learn to make pie for this, but really haven't had a lot of time to practice. I think she deserves real pie from someone who knows how to make it for her birthday, rather than my first attempt.

I think we will go out for Pizooki's for Destiny's birthday. We shall see. Dan is very likely to get cheesecake. Again, we shall see what he feels like at the time. We don't know where Eric will be for his birthday. I may have to send him a gift certificate for a birthday treat, and call him while he eats it.

I can hardly wait to pick out a theme for next year!

new life

We are anticipating an addition to our family.

It has been six years since we last eagerly anticipated the birth of a baby. That baby, now that boy, is the most beloved of grandchildren to Floyd and I, the most beloved of nephews to his aunts and uncles. He is sunshine and spitfire, sweetness and sass, smart and silly, rambunctious and cuddly. He is all the contradictions that make up a five year old. Watching him grow and learn has been amazing. He has cemented our blended family into an emulsion of simply family. No step. No half. No part. Just family. Jason did that. If you want to love and claim Jason (and everybody does), then you have to claim one another. I never saw that coming, but will be forever grateful for it.

And now, another baby is on the way. A baby boy? A little brother for Jason to teach all the cool boy stuff he has perfected over the years? A rough and tumble mini-J to fall in line behind a beloved older brother? A baby girl? A little sister that J can protect and pamper? Pink and ruffles? Dresses and bows? Dance recitals, like her mama? How I love to see a man with a baby girl! I can just imagine George with a daughter. And Floyd with a baby granddaughter. How fun it would be to take a little granddaughter shopping, to teach her to cook and to do crafts with her. I do those things with J, but somehow I think it might be different with a girl - or not!

Boy or girl, I do know that this baby will be born into a family that will adore it. It will have wonderful parents. It will have grandparents and great grandparents that love it unconditionally. It will have aunts and uncles who enjoy playing with and spoiling it.

This child will change the dynanics of our family, as all babies do.

I am appreciating this time of anticipation, knowing it lasts only a short while before the whirlwind begins. I love having this knowledge, that a tiny new person is coming into our family. This time to prepare and eagerly anticipate.

I love being the grandparent. All I have to do is wait. Linda is doing all the hard work. I appreciate her more than I can say.

Everyone needs someone who loves them best

I truly believe that every child needs to have someone who loves them best, or at least makes them feel as if they do. Obviously, this is not their parent. Maybe an extended family member or close family friend.

My grandfather was this person in my life. For a variety of reasons my need may have been greater than most, and his love for me was akin to a beacon in the darkness. I can't overstate the effect that this had on my life. I doubt that even he knew how great my need was, nor the effect that his loving actions had on my life.

My fondness for and love of my grandfather never wavered. I was blessed (and I do not use that term lightly) to enjoy that special relationship until long into my adulthood. Although his last few years were difficult, I consider it such an honor to have shared so many years with him.

I have a picture of my grandfather on my desk. I look at him every day, and those loving feelings are still there. The love he felt for me, and I for him, did not die with him. It lives on.

Because of this experience with my grandfather, it was interesting to watch my childrens early years unfold. I recognized special relationships between each of them and a significant person in their lives. Why or how these special connections are made is something of a mystery. Perhaps it is chemistry. Perhaps a loving Heavenly Father provides these special someones to meet a particular need.

My Girl

Today is Destiny's birthday. Happy birthday to my girl!

Parents tend to have a list of things they want for their children to do, or to be. Mostly, I want my children to be happy. I want them to be thinking, thoughtful people. I want them to know success in the world, rather than struggle. I want them to find work that means something to them more than simply a paycheck. I want them to have solid, meaningful, fulfilling relationships. I want them to have health. I want them to do good in the world. I want them to give, rather than simply take.

I admire Destiny. I appreciate the hard work and long hours she is putting in at this stage in her life. She is loyal and hard working and responsible and reliable. She is out there working for the future that she wants. We have wonderful conversations that show me only glimpses of the girl that was, but even more the woman she has become. She is an amazing granddaughter, and I so admire and appreciate the relationship she has carved out with her grandparents. She is an absolutely amazing Aunt, and Jason adores her.

I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. I can't wait to see the great things that are yet to come for my girl.

Time for an update

This is the last family photograph we had taken. Wasn't Jason a cute baby? Jason will be five in a few weeks. Yes, five years old. And Jason at five is so adorable there aren't words to describe it. Only a new picture will do. Clearly, it is time for an update! Now if I could only find a day that everyone is available...