What now?

From the time I was a toddler, I wanted to be a mother. I just knew it was what I was meant to do and be.

When I was older and planning a career, I chose with motherhood in mind.

Every decision I made in my life revolved around that knowledge of what and who I would be.

When I was fortunate to have children, I believe I enjoyed their young childhood stage more than most. No matter that trial or hardship, the ordinariness, the same old same old, or the wonderful highs and joys, I took mind pictures. I absolutely knew I was fortunate and was doing and being exactly what I was meant to be. Perhaps not was well as I would have liked, but doing it to the best of my ability.

When the divorce hit, and work went from part time to full time plus, I went into survival mode. Not just figuratively but literally. It was my job to feed these young people and to make sure they were fed. Survival came first, and everything else became secondary. I missed so much during those years. And so did they.

So what becomes of a woman whose major emphasis in life has been mothering when her children are grown? Of course, I am still a mother and always will be. I love my children now as much as I ever have. Through amazing grace, I have been blessed with a "step" daughter and "god" son that are every bit as much a part of my mothering as my biological children. Very simply, I have five children. No "*" needed.

Loving and mothering adult children is so different than mothering small children. Definitely a work in progress.

With this stage came grandparenting. What a joy that is! Absolute, total joy. It helps so much that his parents are so kind and considerate and caring toward us. I can't express the happiness we feel when out of the blue the phone does its "you have a text" song, and right there, out of nowhere, is a picture of J doing something amazing, wonderful, different or even ordinary. How fun that is! Floyd Michael and I absolutely love that. I used to love seeing young fathers with their toddlers. I get the same feeling when I watch Floyd Michael with J.